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27 April 2011 @ 05:44 pm
I don't think it's fair that I am having major allergy issues/a cold while I am trying to fix my anxiety issues but oh well.

Since the quake I have been having panic attacks. Full blown, throat tightening, chest squeezing, hyperventilating, "oh god oh god, I am dying right very now" panic attacks. I have always have anxiety issues and anyone who knows me or reads this and even some people who meet me on the street will know that because I don't hide it, or do I think I should have to. But increased adrenaline (thanks earthquake) makes brain chemistry go haywire and so my anxiety levels have risen to unmanageable levels. I was awake all night last night because I was sure my throat would spontaneously close on itself for no reason at all. I know it won't, because that is ridiculous. I know that. But I decided it would anyway and so I was on the verge of a panic attack the entire night. Thus is and anxiety disorder, though I have never had it get this bad before.

Today I saw a doctor who was lovely, and she prescribed me a short-term pill for the panicky stuff, and a long-term one to try to fix things. I never take meds so they tend to knock me around, so getting used to them should be such fun. But mostly I just want it to stop, so I'll put up with anything. And then I get to go to counselling on Monday. Here's hoping I feel well enough.
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
(Deleted comment)
Künstliches Mädchen | ☘Lara Kelley Gallagher☘: DL~Quinn loves teaartemisofluna on April 27th, 2011 06:06 am (UTC)
*hugs back!*
Amandaspiffanda on April 27th, 2011 06:01 am (UTC)
I never thought that I had anxiety disorders, until one day I realized full blown that I do!

I have asthma, and it turns out that around 80% of my asthma attacks? Have been anxiety attacks. When I was a little girl I used to be so terrified of not being able to breathe, that the moment I thought about it- I couldn't breathe. I went my entire childhood essentially causing my own attacks. I honestly can't believe I didn't realize it sooner, so many times my worst asthma attacks came from such random things- like if I realized I'd left my inhaler at home, or maybe I went to a friends house and forgot my favorite pillow. Getting separated from my parents, or losing something, getting in an argument with a friend.. all of those things caused major attacks and I never ONCE made the connection.

Then I went through a phase a couple years ago where I kept having non-asthma related panic attacks. I couldn't even tell you what was triggering them, but suddenly I would be freaking the fuck out, can't breathe, I felt crowded and smothered and I could be doing something as simple as cooking dinner! As a matter of fact, it got to where being in my small kitchen started my freakouts every dang time so I started avoiding the kitchen, which meant no cooking.. and yeah. That's when I finally decided to get some help.

Now I go on prozac about twice a year. I don't need it all the time but my anxiety seems to cycle and now that I recognize it, I know when to go in and get back on the meds.

Anyway. This wasn't really supposed to be about me, it was supposed to be me saying - I can relate to what you go through, and I'm glad you got to that point of enough is enough. You won't regret it!

Künstliches Mädchen | ☘Lara Kelley Gallagher☘: Rain~Umbrellaartemisofluna on April 27th, 2011 06:10 am (UTC)
Oh I am sure some of my asthma has been anxiety-related. No doubt.

It's good! Relating to people is good. Enough certainly is enough, and it's time to do something about it. I don't want to start avoiding things because I know I will. I think half of my issue with going to placement is that it's in the city and just being so close to our cordon (the blocked of city centre) makes me feel like I can't breathe. I haven't avoided it yet, but it does cause me distress.

Anyway, thank you for your words. You are wonderful, and always have been! <3
Nathalfbloodme on April 27th, 2011 06:29 am (UTC)
*wraps you in a world of love and tea and chocolate* It's understandable that your attacks have increased since the quake honey. I had a bad one on Friday night where an ambulance was called and all because a so-called friend slagged me off publicly and none of my friends who live close by could get to me *sighs* You're not alone my darling and I couldn't be without my meds because I just can't cope without them, sad but true.
Künstliches Mädchen | ☘Lara Kelley Gallagher☘: Abandoned~Leaves of Autumnartemisofluna on April 27th, 2011 08:17 am (UTC)
*foreverhugs* The other night my friends were at a party and I called a helpline because I was panicking and the woman was so distinctly unhelpful she did actually STOP me panicking (for a moment) because I was so annoyed. But that made me realise I need more help. And thankfully I got ahold of my friends after that and they came home to be with me.

Thank you, Nat. You are ever-wonderful :D
Daisy: boobies - Lightnbird iconstreacleangel on April 27th, 2011 07:49 am (UTC)
That damn quake! Good on you for getting the help you need. I hope the meds work out for you with no horrid side effects. Keep on trucking! Big hugs from me and Jen.
Künstliches Mädchen | ☘Lara Kelley Gallagher☘: V for Vendetta in the rain Everyartemisofluna on April 27th, 2011 08:14 am (UTC)
Big hugs back! :D
Jessshoemoney2night on April 27th, 2011 01:51 pm (UTC)
*hugs tight* I'm sorry things have been so bad lately. Panic attacks are truly horrible and frightening. I'm so glad you've got some help for it, though, and I hope the medication helps even things out. (I can only speak from my own experience, but I've been on meds for anxiety for several years. I was really not too keen on the idea at the start, but they have helped - I hope yours do, too. <3)
Arklanarklan on May 2nd, 2011 03:53 am (UTC)
much hugging from me as well.