I am about to talk about characters I created rather a lot. So either bear with me, or don't bother reading this. If you don't understand what it's like having characters you care about in your head, this will likely read like nonsense.

ANYWAY yesterday was supposed to be my Deirdre's (deirdre_ionuin) wedding. And I didn't write it because arrggghhhh she's my first character and it HURTS ME. Only because her wedding is going to go horribly wrong because in her grief over losing her girlfriend, she's marrying a Henry Cavill-shaped DOUCHEBAG. The marriage is going to last about 4 hours. Which is fine, I have been working up to this plot for like...A YEAR NOW and I knew it was coming, but it hurts. So I didn't write it. But now I have to, because it's no longer the 19th in London any more and it's heading on towards the 21st here in NZ.

I had to kill my Thomas (LOL THAT DIDN'T LAST LONG but I thought it would at the time) and that hurt, but this is different. Deirdre is different in my head. For years, she was all tumultuous and oooommmmmgggggg but I fixed her (LOL) by giving her babies. It actually mellowed her out, hush. And she has been lovely and yet still Deirdre like (her journal still cracks me up every time) since then. And I'm just worried that this plot will bring her right back to where she was, pre-baby. Which is AWESOME and I love playing out IC consequences 99.9% of the time...

But here's the clincher. I FEEL GUILTY FOR DELIBERATELY HURTING HER. I never feel this way really. I love causing my characters pain. See Flynn, Peter, Thomas, etc. etc. etc. I love it when OTHER people cause my characters pain (*cough*Saint Patrick*cough*) but Deirdre has always been different and I don't know why.

Stupid Irish red heads ;) They get me all mucked up inside.

Okay. Imma go break my Deirdre's heart. *sob*