Künstliches Mädchen | ☘Lara Kelley Gallagher☘ (artemisofluna) wrote,
Künstliches Mädchen | ☘Lara Kelley Gallagher☘
artemisofluna

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MMMMICHAELLLLL!!!!!!!!!!

Both housemates are at a party and the Alison-shaped one is texting me. She's hilarious and drunk. I swear to god, she just sent me two text messages where she actually typed out 'Nothing to Display'.

Meanwhile, I am watching exorcism movies. Tomorrow is Halloween (OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG) and we are going to sit around all day and do nothing but watch horror films. The Leah-shaped housemate doesn't do exorcism films however, so I am getting my fix now. Watched The Unborn and then The Exorcism of Emily Rose and now onto The Exorcist.

First of all though, I have a rant. It is ridiculous. And about the movie Halloween: H20 and YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO JUDGE ME. I spoil the ending (and the plot of the Halloween movie that came after that) under a cut, but I do figure, since the movie is from 1998, if you wanted to see it, you would have already. Also? I forgot it was Joseph Gordon-Levitt at the beginning. AHHAHAHA stealing beer. And watching Plan Nine from Outer Space which they don't show on the telly, but I recognised the line they let you hear. Yes. I am a loser. But I love Edward D. Wood Junior.

Anyway...

I like silly slasher movies. I realise they are not award-winning cinema and I don't care. They're my cup of tea. Not my only cup, thank goodness. I grew up (yes...) watching these things. I love the movie Halloween even with all it's faults. And Halloween: H20 is a ridiculous gore-fest, though the body count is strangely low for a slasher movie made in 1998. I think you only see about 4 bodies on film, one of them not being a victim of Michael's.

But the ending. I had forgotten how much the ending kicks ass. No, I'm serious. Throughout the entire movie, poor presumed-dead Laurie Strode shows off her alcoholism and the fact that she still doesn't cope well with what she went through in Halloween 1 & 2. And...like...who would? Michael Meyers, her deranged and psychotic brother killed her sister AND all her friends and he did it all wearing a Captain Kirk mask (AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!) and that would fuck anyone up. She is dating a shrink and she says to him 'do you think it's possible for someone to go through something so horrible, they never recover?' and then Michael shows back up at the school she is headmistress of and her son attends, and instead of letting him win, SHE KICKS MOTHERFUCKING ASS. She gets her son and his girlfriend out of the school safely and locks the door behind them so she is locked in with him. Then she stalks HIM. She knocked him off a balcony, stabs him with a FLAGPOLE, and a knife. Then, when he is being loaded into an ambulance, because she knows he isn't dead, she holds up the police and paramedics, steals the ambulance and drives him off a hill.

What happens then is my favourite thing ever. Somehow, he gets pinned between the tree and the ambulance (okay, it's a movie...) and Laurie grabs the axe she brought with her, because she is Jamie Lee fucking Curtis and she stands in front of him. They have a moment. And then she cuts his fucking head off.

Hell YEAH. Way to take control, you sexy bitch.

And then, five years later, some IDIOT decided that they wanted to make another movie, and so they changed what happened. They said Michael had put his mask on a paramedic or...something. I don't even know. But Laurie looked in his eyes and the psychiatrist, Samuel Loomis said looking into Michael's eyes you saw nothing there. It was like looking into the eyes of the devil himself. So...Laurie would have KNOWN. She was haunted by him for twenty years. So you undermine her fucking awesome womanpower where she took control of the situation, AND THEN in the first five minutes, YOU KILL MY LAURIE! I hate you. You, stupid sequel of power-stealing, do not exist in my reality. Too many horror films show girls screaming and running around, sometimes naked, getting killed by men (the fact that Scream had a heroine who was actually smart is one of the reasons I like the series). In this one movie, the woman kicked the serial killer's ass after being tormented by him for two decades, AND YOU UNDID IT!

I hate your face.

Ahem. Anyway, now that it is officially Halloween in New Zealand, LET'S HAVE A DISCUSSION! If you like horror movies like me, tell me who your favourite villain is and why. Freddy Kruger, Michael Meyers, Jason Voorhees, Ghostface from Scream (though that was several people, so be specific!). Personally I like Mrs Voorhees because she is TERRIFYING. Jason doesn't say anything. His hockey mask is unsettling, but the killers who can run and speak creep me out more than the hulking shapes who stand there and then chase you by walking, but somehow catch up. What do you all think?
Tags: argh, halloween is necessary, i hate your fucking face, it's too bad you suck, movies, rants, women are hot
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