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21 November 2009 @ 05:01 pm
In which I hardly discuss the movie at all, wonder of wonders....  
I JUST Slept for fourteen HOURS. Yeah. Think I needed that. Anyway, on to the real nitty gritty of this post. New Moon (Sorry, Liv! But to answer your Facebook question, YES I am ashamed.)

I went to see it last night, because I figured why not? Lewi was going out clubbing and movie theatres are cool. Meaning temperature-wise. I don't usually dig a room with sticky floors and frick-tonnes of people. Anyway, I went to a 5:45 session, AKA the LOSERS session. I expected it to be slightly less crowded because...you know...losers. It was not. Now, usually if I arrive before the doors open, I station myself right by the doors so I can get it right away. YES even if it's allocated seating. That's just how I roll, mate. I'm a pushy person, and it annoys me that the usual rate of heading into a theatre is a slow, bovine-like lumber. Ask Clare, who witnessed me telling her to 'just push through!' the crowd of very British people on the Thames river boat, while she looked at me like I had two heads. But dude, I'm American and even I won't go up against a bunch of rampant Twi-hards. I'd have been trampled.

It took the theatre staff roughly until 10 minutes after the ticketed showtime to clean the theatre, and I was praying for their safety as several people decided they were sick of waiting and just barged in. They were promptly thrown back out having hissy fits and saying things like "EDWARD WILL GET YOU FOR THIS!" A weird girl sidled up to me and looked me up and down and we had this ENLIGHTENING conversation:

Her: I'm really looking forward to this.
Me: Oh?
Her: Yeah. Ever since I saw the first movie.
Me: Hmmm.
Her: I never read it. I don't like novels. I read like two lines and then I'm like 'screw this'.
Me: It's not so much a novel as a 'dear diary' moment that goes on for 12,000 pages too long...
Her: ..... Edward's hot. I like your cup.

(Here is where I admit that I bought the 'New Moon Combo' to get the plastic cup with RPattz's face for Jen! Sorry, you have to deal with Kristen and whateverhisnameisdogboy too... But GOODNESS I am so thoughtful!)

Me: Okay.
Her: So yeah, I think it'll be really good.
Me: Mmmm.

And then her friend came to join her and she pointed at me and went "Look, she got the combo with the cup. Haha, freak." And I just refrained from calling her an illiterate, moronic waste of oxygen. Because no one wants to waste a good insult on someone who will go ".....Edward's hot."

We finally were let in to the theatre and we were blessed with hecklers. Normally those are the people I (the pushy American) would shout at to SHUT UP! But they were hilarious. There was an ad that basically insisted that if you wanted to be like Edward you had to drive a Volvo. Sorry, Lewi. And then the hecklers commenced booing every time you saw Edward, and cheering for Jacob. Awesome. Best lines though?:

Bella: "Edward! I'm coming!"
Edward: "No! I don't want you to come!"

Whomever wrote the screenplay? Standing ovation. You basically explained the plot of the first three and a half novels in two lines so utterly perfectly that no one could have done it better.

And the award for best actor goes to RPattz's painted on abs. Brilliant.

Oh, how was the movie? It was alright. I think Kristen Stewart cracked a smile. But only one, after all, she is Bella Swan.
Current Mood: predatorypredatory
hysteria74: DrWhohysteria74 on November 21st, 2009 08:00 am (UTC)
So sound like the movie is about as good at Twilight was and that's insulting to the word "good"? Everyone here is raving about "New Moon" but all of it sounds like a load of crap... maybe I'll bittorrent it when I am trully mind numbingly bored... then I cant feel any worse... well maybe not! ;-)
Künstliches Mädchen | ☘Lara Kelley Gallagher☘artemisofluna on November 21st, 2009 08:41 am (UTC)
People are 'raving' about it?

I do not understand. I went to see it, but I do not, under any terms, think it was anything near a theatrical masterpiece. I mean....the girl never SMILES, how are we supposed to believe she's OH SO IN LOVE with Edward.

Bella: "I know we just met, and all you do is like ignore me and stuff, but I'm in love with you now. Because ignoring is like so hot."

Edward: "NO! I'M EVILS!"

Bella: "Whatever, I'm so badarse, I jump off cliffs even though that's in the future and totally hasn't happened yet. My truck his more scary than you."

Edward: "....evil?"

Bella: "No."


Bella: "Cool bits. And now I am going to proceed to spend the rest of my life looking angsty, because that means love, right?"

Edward: "I totally created that, don't steal that from me. I'm going to leave you for some months to perfect my angsty look. IN Brazil. Or some place with a glowing Jesus."

Bella: "Oh noes! I shall fill up my heart hole with a werewolf kid who actually makes me SMILE but see, I don't love him as much as you because he doesn't make me angsty-faced."

Edward: "And I shall teach teenaged girls it's romantic to kill yourself when you lose someone."

Bella: "And I'll save you in the slowest scene known to man where everyone wears red as the cheapest metaphor for blood EVER in the history of metaphors."

Edward: "And then we'll proceed to have a scene where we do everything except speaking to each other, because that totally proves our love."

Bella: "I'm so glad I found someone who understands that it turns me off to have a mind of my own."

Edward: "I'm so glad I found a woman who thinks it's sexy to be controlled and told she doesn't know what she wants and can't think for herself."

*Dramatic staring-into-eyes scene commences*

Yeah. Epic fail. And yet? I STILL WENT TO SEE IT. And I will go to see the next one too. *head desk* At least I don't think Edward is Meyer's gift to women.
Daisytreacleangel on November 21st, 2009 11:34 am (UTC)
I love your recap! You were awfully brave to go see it when its only just opened. We are gonna leave it for a bit til it calms down.
Did you feel abit wrong looking at that poor shirtless boy?

It annoys me that its not clear why they wuv each other apart from its destiny which is bullshit.

Also why would Edward have abs? He was turned when he was 17ish and dying of pneumonia. Or so I have heard....

We will totes come with you to see Eclipse!

Künstliches Mädchen | ☘Lara Kelley Gallagher☘: Hugh Jackman~Fancyartemisofluna on November 21st, 2009 01:42 pm (UTC)
It was ONLY because of the early session. No way would I have gone to see it later at night! And yes, I felt extremely wrong...

EXACTLY!!! And in the novels they spend hundreds of pages hemming and hawing over it. Much to my annoyance, but at least it didn't just HAPPEN. The movie is like.... "I love you" "OKay!" Arrgghhhh.

And scrawny buggers are more attractive anyway. I'm not a big fan of the six pack, unless it is possessed by one Hugh Jackman. And he only gets away with it because I adore his wife ;) AND he doesn't always look like that. When he does his musical theatre, he's much less built and more high-kicky!

YAY YAY! I WON'T BE ALONE!! Then Leah will have more people to scorn at ;)
hysteria74: cutemehysteria74 on November 21st, 2009 07:57 pm (UTC)
EPIC AWESOME!!! See now I dont need to see the movie, you've told me everything ;-)
Künstliches Mädchen | ☘Lara Kelley Gallagher☘: Amanda Palmer~They way they fallartemisofluna on November 22nd, 2009 01:33 am (UTC)
Raenphfa on November 21st, 2009 10:24 am (UTC)
HAHAHAHAA everything about this post makes me laugh.
Künstliches Mädchen | ☘Lara Kelley Gallagher☘: Skins~I Feel Pretty!artemisofluna on November 21st, 2009 10:53 am (UTC)
Exactly as it was meant to :D
brigantia_65 on November 22nd, 2009 01:17 am (UTC)
I pretty much loves you for this.
Künstliches Mädchen | ☘Lara Kelley Gallagher☘: DL Devon underwearartemisofluna on November 22nd, 2009 01:34 am (UTC)
WHOOHOO! *bows*
Lewis: Spike and Angelarmageddonriver on November 22nd, 2009 10:09 am (UTC)
I'm sure my Volvo is bigger than Edward's.

/thinly-veiled metaphor.
Jensie: Zombie hugpotatoeangel on November 22nd, 2009 11:35 am (UTC)