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18 August 2005 @ 09:18 am
A new batch of Babb!! #2  
Once again, as I am only doing this because the lovely runner of the babb_chronicles journal is on a much needed vacation, I am pimping the site. It'll be back on Septemeber 9th, and it's hilarious. That is, it's hilarious if you enjoy laughing at how sad people who think they can write are. (I am not fooled, at least I KNOW I can't write ;))

These aren't half as funny as the Babb ones (mostly because I am more easily amused than most people ;)) But they'll do for now!

So, enjoy, and add babb_chronicles to your flists!

First Post Here



** Link

(Summary) Hermione, this is the perfect opportunity. Draco Malfoy needs money, and you've plenty of it. You need sperm, and he's abundant in that. Can it be any more obvious?
*
"The doctors just told me," she gulped, breathing heavily, "that it isn't me who's infertile. It's been Ron after all! He's the sterile one Ginny." Tears poured down her cheeks. (HA HA)
*
"You do know that I'm the last heiress to Granger Inc., the dental company my parents left me? I have to have a successor; I'm not going to be around forever. And Ron knows that. And he knows that I have a thing for children! And when I suggested, just suggested, that I get artificially inseminated, he blew up! Started a shouting match with me!"
*
"Now you march into the Ladies' Room, fix yourself up, and go back home to count your blessing. And hold your breath as well; I shall come up with something!"
*
"His parents used to put pressure on him to excel in his academics, I heard. The 'Malfoy-having-the-best-in-everything' situation, as if integrtiy wasn't important. Death Eaters, indeed!" Hermione explained, uncomfortable at the fact that she was the one emanating gossip. "Part of the 100 reasons he despised me, was because despite my muggle heritage I managed to beat him in every class. So he worked hard during seventh year but only managed salutatorian. I was valedictorian as you know. I don't know why you look so surprised, I mean he was the first to lure the unwelcome into Hogwarts and he did master the art of Occumelancy- something Harry never attained."

** Link

(Summary) lily goes to visit her cousin for a relaxing muggle vacation. when she gets there she find out the the cute boy that her cousin has been telling her about is the same boy who drives her insain every day of her life at school.
*
“ lily if you don’t hurry up your going to be late” lily’s mother yelled up the stairs. “ I’m coming, I trying to get my trunk down the stairs now.” “ you know McKenzie will be waiting for you. She has been hoping you could spend a summer there for ever.” Mrs. Evens replied. “ I know I’m ready.” she kissed her mom on the cheek and said her goodbyes and diapprated.
*
“ Do you guys know each other? “ she said in a questioning voice. “ I.. um.. “ Lily muterd. For McKenzie did not know that she was a witch and went to Hogwarts and she guessed that also was not aware that the guys she was with were wizards. “ um.. No they just look a lot like some people I know. “ she said with a little more confidence “ oh ok then” McKenzie said with a smile on her face. “ this is James” she said pointing to one of the guys sitting next to her. “ and he two friends Sirius and remus.” “ nice to meet you I’m lily Evens” she said forceing a smile. She was going to have to be nice to these guys who she hated most dearly and not give away her secret.

** Link

(Summary) a curse has taken over hogwarts in 2 time periods, causing people to suddenly start singing a song in relation to what their thinking. 1 guess as to what time periods it is. MWAH HA HA
*
(To the tune of Thunderbirds by Busted
Chorus:
Cos now the trio are back in town
No strings to hold them down, down
Don't be mad please, stop the hating
Just be glad that they'll be waiting
Friends we have are ever changing
you know the lids about to blow
When the Golden trio are go

*
First, James Potter with maroon 5’s she will be loved. Lily’s just found out her parents been killed a couple of weeks ago, that’s why she got the broken smile. James sighed as he looked down the Gryffindor table to his beloved Lily. Best not to bother her at the moment, because of the whole parent thing. “Cheer up mate” Sirius said, noticing where James was looking. “She’ll get over it eventually, and then to can continue to annoy the living daylight out of her” James nodded, but wishing he could do something. Suddenly, he found himself on top of the table where they were having dinner, a microphone in his hand and music playing. Glancing worriedly at the Marauders as he faced Lily, he burst into song.
*
As the song came to an end the microphone vanished, the music faded away and the he looked around him to see everyone in the hall staring at him. Fearing the worse, he chanced a look at Lily. Lily stood up and got onto the table right next to him and pulled him into the most romantic end of movie, good guy wins bad guy lost kiss you can imagine, at which point everyone burst into applause.
*
“You know, I have often wondered why on earth they called Black a name so close to the word Serious when he is anything but!” groaned Lily.
“I think they were hoping against hope.” Grinned Remus. Sirius was about to reply too when instead he found himself on a stage between the teachers table and the houses’s (?) table. With a grin back to his friends he looked out at his audience of Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors as the music began.
Get your broom flyin'
Head out on the skyway
Lookin' for adventure
And whatever comes our way
Yeah friends go make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your spells at once
And explode into space


** Link

(Summary) Remus and Sirius play a reveling games of cards! RLxSB Compelted.
*
“Moony, I’m board!” “What do you think I could do about that?”
*
“How about we make this more, I don’t know, what’s the word? Oh, yeah, Fun!” “How do you suppose we do that?” “Every time you make a match, you have to tell a secret!” “What secrets do you have that I don’t know about?” “Lots, believe you me, there are a lot.”
*
“Do you have a King Dude?” “Yes, I do. Here, now, spill.” “Well, I’ve kissed a boy before.” “Who! What! When! Where!” “Ah, but that is another secret.”
*
“Nether do I. But its not like there up there snogging. There not, right Lils.” “Well, just look at the facts; Remus grows bet red when looking at Sirius. And Sirius looked like a kid about to go into a candy store on his way up to your dorm.”

** Link

(Summary) No HBPSpoiler Voldemort won the last fight and overthrow the whole wizarding world we learned to know. Most magical folk of the good side died but there are few who stayed alive and must now serve the Death Eaters as punishment.
*
„Outch! Darn it!“ Hermione Granger former student of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry flinched, because of the enormous pain, which crept through her arms. Her only wish at the moment was to bite it of to ease that pain.
*
All around Hogwarts was chaos. Several dead bodies already covered the ground and blood coloured the earth in red. There were Aurors, teachers, even children, most of them were old friends of hers. There were also Death Eaters, which were accidentally hit by the killing curse cast of their own rows. There were many of them, but not enough. The Dark Side was still quiet to strong. She saw Albus falling to the ground like a stone. He had been encircled by almost fifty Death Eaters at the same time and had managed almost the half of them. But he could not stand their superior strength forever. Hermione was hurt badly, but when seeing Dumbledore fall, she raised again and madly cursed everyone who got into her way. Finally she was hit by a Petrificus, which put her out of action.
*
“No! Tell me that this is not true! I don’t want to be the Dark Lord’s Sex Toy!” She felt a wave of panic washing over her. (ICON)


** Link

(Summary) Being the only daughter of the infamous BoyWhoLived certainly has its drawbacks, as Lilian Athalia Potter knows only too well. But now she has a diary, and is prepared to make darn good use of it. Warning: not intended to be read by normalish people.
*
Why, you ask? Well, it could be the fact that I have a lightning-shaped birthmark on my forehead that looks completely idiotic, or that because of who my dad is, people tend to stop and stare and be all, “Ooh look, there goes the spawn of The-Boy-Who-Lived, let’s stare at her like a bunch of bloody great prats for a few minutes!”, or that I’m hopelessly in love with my brother’s best friend and he doesn’t know, or that I may actually have to spend the rest of my summer hols in a country that’s overrun with fast food restaurants that serve SPORKS with every nasty, greasy meal, or that I have a HUGE family and can never eat dinner with them indoors ‘cause there’s never enough room…
*
Me: MUM!

Mum: (comes running into my room) Bloody hell! Why on earth are you screaming like a banshee?

Me: Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione have invited us and the Malfoys to go to Paris with them for the rest of the summer!

Mum: Paris? OH MY GOD, HARRY GET YOUR ASS IN HERE! JAMIE, YOU TOO!

Dad: (comes running in, wand at the ready) What’s wrong, Gin?

Mum: Ron’s invited us to FRANCE! (jumps into Dad’s arms)

Dad: (hugs her back) What city, Paris?

Mum: (pulls back and nods) Of course!

Dad: (grins) Don’t they call it the City of Love? (both grin, then start SNOGGING! AM NOW SCARRED FOR LIFE!)

Me: MUM, DAD, OH GODS, GET A ROOM!

Mum and Dad: (stop and look at me like I am a goon)

Enter: Jamie

Jamie: What is wrong with you people? Are you all mad, or did you yell and scream for a reason?

Me: Jamie, we are going to PARIS!

Jamie: (hugs me, yells and screams with the rest of us)
*
Me: Okay, now, give me a chance to write back would you?

Jamie: (stops hugging me) Right. Get to it! I’m gonna start packing. (leaves my room)

Mum: Bye, sweetie. Your father and I are going to Diagon Alley for, err, things… Right, Harry? (gives him disgustingly suggestive look)

Dad: Right… Bye Lila! (they leave and Floo off to some unknown place to do things… OH SPLEE, BAD MENTAL PICTURES!)

Well, I’ll fix it in therapy. I am going to Paris, France, the City of Love with Marshall Malfoy, whom I LOVE! Nothing can go wrong now!

Crap, you-know-who is climbing in through my window! Love, peace, and chicken grease!

** Link

(summary) We made up this chant, our rhyming is grant. Some parts of our Yule Ball Song are opera, this author wants a cuppa. Our description might be cheesy, but read and review, pleasy pleasy!
*
The Yule Ball
Something went wrong at the Yule Ball
The Yule Ball
Harry had no chance, so he had to ask Parvati to the dance.
The Yule Ball
Ron definitely had no chance, so he asked Hermione to the dance. (And she said no. )
The Yule Ball
H/Hr was mad; The R/Hr was glad!
The Yule Ball
Hermione’s chum turned out to be Krum
The Yule Ball
Ron knew he was in danger. Krum’s going out with Granger!
The Yule Ball
Harry was the referee, between Ron and Hermione. (omg.)
The Yule Ball
Hagrid was a giant, Madam Maxime was defiant.
The Yule Ball
Ginny and- oh my- Neville?
The Yule Ball…?
Draco Malfoy wasn’t bomboscious, he was just ferocious!
The Yule Ball
Crouch is so stinky, because he ditched Winky!
(insert depressed voice here) The Yule Ball
Cedric has a thang- For Cho Chang!
The Yule Ball
Harry liked Cho- so he got a fro!
The Yule Ball
Ron went with Parvati’s sister- she was such a twister.
The Yule Ball
Fred and Angelina danced, because they were in a trance. (?)
The Yule Ball
Crabbe and Goyle- ICK! Oh my!- Together?
(insert really scared tones here) The Yule Ball?
Draco Malfoy turned out to be COWboy. (No, really! He’s a phat cow!)
The Yule Ball
Dobby and Winky, but their ship went sinky.
The Yule Ball
Dean was seen- eating a bean? (We’re serious!)
The Yule Ball
Moaning Myrtle had to go out with a turtle! (Woah.)
The Yule Ball
Harry and Ron are friends, but they have split ends.
The Yule Ball
Everyone (except Ron.) Still wanted to dance, if they had a chance!
The Yule Ball!
The Yule Ball!
The Yuuuuuuuuuuulllleeeee Baaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllll!

** Link (Cancer is not funny. But this badfic still is)

(Summary) Thats why all the Malfoys are so ghostly pale, they could all die at any second. And there isnt anything anyone can do to save them. Very obsessed with writting it write now, only thing i do in my spare time.
*
Warnings:I'm not very cancer oriented, meaning all i know i read in books and did school papers on- but i still couldnt remember at 4 this morning exactly what i needed to know. So when your reading this please tell me all that i had wrong- so that i can fix it. We dont need other non-cnacer-oriented people thinking my words are correct when they aren t.I actually got unlazy for once and went through and rechecked everything. So there shouldnt be to many mistakes. (HAH)
*
Turning the corner she halted. Malfoy lay on the ground, pain in his eyes.Beads of sweat were beganing to mat his perfect bland hair.He looked at her and gasped a word no Weasley would ever hear a Malfoy say, “ ‘elp.” Okay so it wasn’t the actual word, but it was enough to understand, and enough to have her staring and him, not moving. “ ‘elp.” He said again, and this time she jumped and fell to him.
*
It hurt her to see anyone hurt this much and she muttered, “Relieviate.” It was only a temporary pain reliever that she used on her brothers when they had to bad of a headache t get to sleep, but it would have to do for now.
*
A/N: I do acyually know the story behind the title- the black pleague and all, lol. I learned that this year in school. I forgot about it until i looked over and saw my My Chemical Romance stciker and it had ring sround the rosies. And the before we I put the story on me and Dee went heco crazy looking up all the nursery rhymes and singing them while we found out if they had a story behind them too, lol. Ne ways ifound out last night that all my info in the first chapter was right so i feel better about that and thank you to my 2 reviwers. Reviews keep me going and normally 2 isnt enough bu i already had the chapter written soI put it on anyways. wells enjoy and please review or like show some form of having read it, thanks
*
She sat down still scanning the Slytherin table. There he was, sitting in between Blaise and Goyle, like usual- with Crab across from them. But unlike usual, Blaise and Goyle weren’t joking around, but frowning. Obviously he had told them. “Wha’samatter Gin?” Ron asked next to her, mouth full. “Did one of em get to ya?” “Kinda?” “Which one? I’ll kick their tooty?”
*
“Get as much sleep before super as you can, Draco. Ginny will be here to eat with you when you wake up.” She said as he chugged down a small vial.

** Link
Pottersues Report

Snape watched with wide open eyes as his daughter came fully into his office. She was wearing a green Japanese clothing with black stripes on her sleeves. He saw, she was also wearing a sword sheath with a sword in it, but what shocked him the most were her black wings, pointed ears and dark green stripes on both her cheeks. He sat there rigid, until Harriet came to his side and said,

‘I don’t know what’s happening dad… I was lost in a corridor with armours and swords. Something pulled me to the swords and I saw one with my name on it, and then the same feeling pulled me over to armours and I found this one. Then I couldn’t see anything and I put my glasses down and I could see perfectly and I kind of sprouted wings and my ears got all pointed and… and…’




Ok that's as much scanning the badfic as I can stand for one day without getting a headache ;)

~Lara~
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Current Mood: amusedamused
 
 
 
bandit queenchimbleysweep on August 18th, 2005 11:23 am (UTC)
oh, wow. so bad. but so good.
Künstliches Mädchen | ☘Lara Kelley Gallagher☘: Hermione gothicartemisofluna on August 18th, 2005 10:38 pm (UTC)
My favourite was Hermione saying " And he knows that I have a thing for children! " and "“No! Tell me that this is not true! I don’t want to be the Dark Lord’s Sex Toy!” She felt a wave of panic washing over her."

HAHAHHAAAAA. I should so make those into Icons!
fantomeq on August 21st, 2005 05:40 pm (UTC)
Oh no, was that a songfic about songfic?! Someone stop her!

I don’t want to be the Dark Lord’s Sex Toy!
Oh, but I do! :D

So... Ginny became a redneck? *SPORKS HER!*

"Cancer-oriented?" I'm so glad she gets her medical information from nursery rhymes.

Bwahahahaha! I needed that.